p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
