is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
