you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
