I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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