Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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