he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
