Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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