i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
