This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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