they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
