i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
