I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
