Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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