She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
