remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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