He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Randomize
