Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
