it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
