According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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