I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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