you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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