I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
