Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
