I must be too annoying 4 u.
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
