How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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