hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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