Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
