After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
