A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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