You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
