I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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