Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
