GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't think brook has ever known best
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
