and you said cock pushups were impossible
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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