about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
