Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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