Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize