So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
