Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
