I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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