grandma shit on top of the toilet
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
