Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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