You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
