He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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