I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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