he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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