Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
