I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
