Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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