please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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