Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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