Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
