I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i came on her dog
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
