I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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