So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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